How can I get past this day...

August 26th was going to be such a great day! The day we bring our baby girl into the world. Well now all I can do is hope this day passes by fast. Each time I think about it I start to cry. I tell myself,"You can get over this. It's jut another day." But the day creeps closer and closer. 

I miss her. These last 4 months have gone by to fast. I feel horrible because I have been working working working and taking care of Caleb. I haven't had much time to sit and really think about her.

Day by day...

Each second gets better, each minute gets better, each hour gets better, each day gets better, each week gets better, and each month gets better. I go though these pictures of our last moments together and I cry. I cry for joy that we were with her. That she met her brother and that she wasn't by herself. I know now she's in a better place. And I keep thinking why couldn't we just have one more day??

I thank God for all the RT's, Nurses, and Doctor that helped take care of her. They we her care taker BUT they have found a spot in our hearts as part of our family. With out them I would have had no time with her. So agian, I thank God for all of them.

For tonight I hope tight to her teddy and blanket and fall fast asleep as I dream of the next time I will see her.

We love you baby girl!

XoxO

Never ending feeling....

I miss my little Emily.

I ran into a mother (I think I have posted about her before on here) that was at the Riley NICU during Emily's stay. She had twin boys. One pasted away before Emily did. When I saw her today on my lunch break she told me her other little one past away a few days after Emily.

We exchanged numbers. I hope we can get together and talk.

I wish the best for them....

I will never stop...

I never stop thinking about you my little sweet pea. Mommy and daddy loves you very much. I will never forget the first time I saw you, the first time I touched you, the first time I saw your eyes open, the first time I changed your diaper and the first time I held you close to my skin. And I will not forget how peaceful you looked the day you passed on to a better place. Our love was short but greater than any love could ever be. Rest now my little one. Watch over you big brother and keep him safe.

Hardest night ever

Last night was my hardest night ever. I woke up many times grabbing my phone to call the NICU to check on her. I had to remind my self each time. I slept with her purple blanket by my face last night. All my emotions are running wild. To many things to think about and to many things that need to be done.

She lives forever...

Caleb met his little sister today. He didn't know what to think about her. Her poked her arm and then her face. When she moved he jerked his hand back. Then he kissed her on her forehead. Emily was having a muscle spasm and Caleb thought she was waving to him. He waved back at her. It was the sweetest thing ever!

This afternoon, Emily Rae-Ann passes away peacefully in mommy and daddy's arms. She lives forever! May she be in peace and watch over us.

We love you Emily. You will forever be missed but always thought of!

so loved...

Emily's blood gases aren't very good. And her oxygen levels are very stable. Her belly is still very uncomfortable for her. The suction tube isn't getting any of the contrast out of her belly. It's stuck. :( She is has started to retained fluids again... I don't think we have had a step forward in a while. It's been many steps backwards....