I will never stop...

I never stop thinking about you my little sweet pea. Mommy and daddy loves you very much. I will never forget the first time I saw you, the first time I touched you, the first time I saw your eyes open, the first time I changed your diaper and the first time I held you close to my skin. And I will not forget how peaceful you looked the day you passed on to a better place. Our love was short but greater than any love could ever be. Rest now my little one. Watch over you big brother and keep him safe.

Hardest night ever

Last night was my hardest night ever. I woke up many times grabbing my phone to call the NICU to check on her. I had to remind my self each time. I slept with her purple blanket by my face last night. All my emotions are running wild. To many things to think about and to many things that need to be done.

She lives forever...

Caleb met his little sister today. He didn't know what to think about her. Her poked her arm and then her face. When she moved he jerked his hand back. Then he kissed her on her forehead. Emily was having a muscle spasm and Caleb thought she was waving to him. He waved back at her. It was the sweetest thing ever!

This afternoon, Emily Rae-Ann passes away peacefully in mommy and daddy's arms. She lives forever! May she be in peace and watch over us.

We love you Emily. You will forever be missed but always thought of!

so loved...

Emily's blood gases aren't very good. And her oxygen levels are very stable. Her belly is still very uncomfortable for her. The suction tube isn't getting any of the contrast out of her belly. It's stuck. :( She is has started to retained fluids again... I don't think we have had a step forward in a while. It's been many steps backwards....

Blah....

Whelp... contrast study pretty much showed us what is wrong with her belly. (What the doctor pretty much already knew). Her bowls are blocked. The contrast that they put down really put some stress on her body. Today they had to go up 2 on her pip. :( Her oxygen levels were a lot higher today because of how her belly felt. That contrast to sat in her belly. It should of moved out of her belly by the end of last night. Just show how sick she really is. They had to put the suction tube back in her belly to get the contrast out because it's not coming out the bottom. She was more unstable today than she has ever been. What a ruff day for her. hey have been checking her blood gas ever 4 hours today because of her blood gas being so bad.

When I came in they had made her a bracelet. It had her name and a lady bug on it. SOOOOO cute! They are so good to her. They have been so wonderful. Tonight I played dress up. We found the cutest shirt! It said... "so loved" I held her for the first time wrapped up like a baby instead of kangaroo. :) I even gave her lots of kisses! It was nice to be able to see her face and to look at her face with out the suction tube in her mouth. She's so big now. Even though she only gained 1lbs 2oz she's soooo big. She's a different baby.

WE LOVE YOU EMILY! Sleep tight... Don't let the bed bugs bite.

Could it be?

Today Emily pooped 2 times. We dont' know what that means. But she did it. The sergeons want her to poop a few more times before we try anything else becuase there are so many things that this could be.

She's up to 1070 grams today. Her OFC stayed the same. And she's jsut hanging out.

I held her again today. I love my little girl.

One day...

One day I will wake up and this will all be a dream.