The first real downer since she as born...

I wasn't able to write yesterday because the site was down. She had another great day yesterday. Josh touched her for the first time. As soon as he touched her hand she grabbed right on. It was so beautiful!

We were still staying on a straight line until last night at 12:30 am.

We missed a phone call last night. Josh came in and woke me up and said the doctor was trying to reach us. I called them back to see what was going on. Emily had a seizure They were real concerned that she was bleeding in her brain. So they told us that she would get another ultra sound in the morning. They also said that her skin was getting worse. They use a film that they put on her skin to protect the real bad spot that were open. After getting off the phone with her all i could do was cry. Josh held me tight and told me she's going to be fine. But why can't I believe this? How can he see this but I can't? I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. I just wanted to sleep this bad dream away. Josh had brought him into bed this morning to see me but I couldn't look him in his face. Josh told me not to ignore him. I wasn't doing it on purpose. I just emotional had nothing to give him. But then something told me to get up, that Caleb still needed me.

When I visited her today they told me what is happening with her skin was each time they have to take off the film, it was peeling her skin more causing it to bleed a little. They decided to pull it all off and call the nurse that specialized in skin care. She told us today they best thing we could do is to leave it off and let it air dry. The nurse reassured me and said that there as another little baby at Riley that had the same problem by the time he left to go home he had no scars. I wasn't worried about that i was just worried that she was in pain and suffering. I don't want her to suffer.

I couldn't help but cry when I saw her today. I couldn't stop crying. She looked like she was in so much pain. She was bleeding on her belly and arms. Some spot on other areas were real cracked and open that were oozing. They have been giving her morphine to help her with the pain. When shes on morphine she doesn't move at all. It makes me so sad to see her like this.

I had found out that she had had a total of 4 seizure today. He last one was at 12ish. We got her ultra sound back and it hadn't changed since the last one. A slight grade 1. A small bleed but nothing had changed from the last ultra sound. It wasn't getting worse. So that's a plus! Her seizures weren't coming from her head bleeding. But the scary part was we don't know why she was having them. They reassured me by saying she might not ever have any more.  They had given her 2 doses of medication to suppress/stop her from getting these.

Her blood pressure was down a little today and her platelets dropped again so she got another blood transfusion. When i called to check on her tonight they said she had just finished up with the transfusion but that her blood pressure was still a little low. 40/16 (24) They like the number in the parentheses to be about her week. Today she is 25 weeks.

She's been up and down with her oxygen today. When I left her yesterday she was at 40%. When I went to see her she was at 65%. and here PIP was 22 (that was 21 yesterday). Tonight she is at 40% oxygen and a PIP of 24. They determined what her PIP level will be by getting a blood gas.

Tomorrow she will be 1 week old! I can't believe it's already been 1 week. Time is flying and she will be home soon enough. :)